gone

and now the room is silent for she is no longer there

the deafening silence, realisation she has gone ......

the coloured lights they ebb and flow, they rock back and forth in the gentle night air
a familiar fragrance floats by on the breeze,

thoughts of what might have been flicker through my mind 
someone is dancing, my emotions are raw

a faint silver like shimmer fills the air.

and then I remember ....
someone is missing where has she gone

reflecting

I'm reflecting today

another year has passed

tears flood freely down my cheeks 

as I'm greeted by flowers left by my front door

I walk anti clockwise around the park and look at the trees for inspiration

the stones crunch under my feet

I think about the words I have written the past three years

the ideas I have explored 

the art that has excited me 

the friendships that have saved me..........

I'm reflecting today

open your eyes

photography by gary gross

Open your eyes

ideas are all around

unexpected and inspiring things

floating like leaves to the ground

an idea wanting to be realised

a thought

even an epiphany of sorts

be still and breathe in the fragrant spring air

then open your eyes and you will see 

ideas all around

abandoned house

An exhibition in an abandoned house, early on Saturday morning, I couldn't resist taking a peek.

The air was crisp, the rooms dark and dank. As my eyes adjusted to the light a surprise was revealed in each room. A few folk wandered through the rubble of this old abandoned house. A camera flashed as we moved silently around to discover each carefully placed piece. An inspiring morning wandering through this once lonely house with its newly adorned walls created by artists whose real names we might never know. A simple beauty and mystery fills this place, an event created in an abandoned house.

another year

Christmas has washed over us for another year. The tree has been removed and the last of the decorations have been put away.
All the hype and anticipation has drifted into a new year.

Our days are now spent floating in the ocean and rejuvenating our souls. I shut my eyes in the hot sun, contemplating ideas and fondly remembering times that have passed. Many long hot summers spent on a beach somewhere along Australia's vast coast.

I plunge myself into the ocean and wash away all that burdens me, my soul feels cleansed.
I dive freely under the waves surfacing to look at our beautiful coastline and for that moment I am happy to be alive.
What is this innate desire that leads us to the beach. Like some primal longing deep below our surface. It must be fulfilled when the time is right, when the ocean is slightly warmer and the temperature begins to rise.
Only then can my soul be set free in the deep blue water that surrounds this unique island of ours.

an unbearable silence ...

artwork by kaffeine
photography by gary gross

.........today I remember Sunday. 

who came into our world with an unbearable silence

her eyes we never would see

we held her precious body the weight reflected in my mind.

her spirit danced about us

as a heavy silence filled the room.

my breasts still ache with longing for a child that slipped away....

but today we remember our Sunday who will live forever 

in our heart.......

J,G+O 

17/10/10

present.

I embrace the present,

acknowledge the past

and ponder the future. 

                            collected thoughts

hold on tight

                            artwork baby guerrilla

                                photography by gary gross

hold on tight, does it feel like a dream ? 

open your eyes 

and never be afraid

stuff to do in a crisis

I did my ritual walk around the park this morning, taking in the fresh air and admiring the beautiful trees. As I walk I like to let my thoughts unravel, people pop into mind and I think about conversations we might have, ideas and things to do float into my mind and the walk inspires the rest of my day.
Before my walk this morning I had a catch up chat with my niece (who lives interstate), she's the sort of person I could talk to forever but when she told me she was doing laps in the supermarket I thought it only fair to release her from our conversation. Anyway when I returned from walking, she had send me an email containing the following list.  I really adore it and want to share it with you.

"Stuff to do in a crisis...... to help with the mending process"

          Run yourself a bath
       Listen to music you love
      Eat good food (Thats anything delicious) forget about the calories. (jelly)
       Enjoy fresh air. (I would suggest the back deck under the olive tree)
       Give yourself time, to get through an entire magazine.
        Light candles
         Keep fresh flowers in the house. (Stolen ones are the best)  Take short strolls in the neighbourhood. (you never know who will come across for a simple chat)
        Book in Yoga/ Naturopath....all the essential remedial.
        Drink tonnes of tea.
       Chat when you need to chat, listen when you need to listen
        Take Lots of naps, don’t feel guilty... even if its a perfect day outside.
         Buy yourself a treat.
         Wear good undies...
         Bright colours are good.        Take a drive in the country
        Find something to SORT.
        Avoid smelly shopping centres. (On this point... if you can walk into a shopping centre with one thong, YOU CAN DO ALL THINGS.)

       Don’t avoid the washing up.

i cook

chocolate tart

sometimes when i don't feel like talking   i cook

street philosophy

found on one of my wanderings in the back streets of Fitzroy..............

The number of corners in the soul can't

compare with the universe's dimensions folded

neatly into swans. In the soul's

space, one word on a thousand pieces

of paper the size of cookie fortunes falls

from the heavens. At last, the oracular

answer, you cry, pawing at the scraps that twirl

like seed-pod helicopters. Alas, the window

to your soul needs a good scrubbing, so

the letters doodle into indecipherables just

like every answer that has rained

down through history, and you realize, in

your little smog of thought that death

will simply be the cessation of asking, a thousand

cranes unfolding themselves and returning to the trees.

Stefi Weisburd

beauty

beauty is found in unusual places

artwork by Kaff-eine

+ words by precious little

photography by gary gross

"I stopped wearing a watch after the funeral from that day on, I knew the time would always be too late"
precious little

i believe

                                                                                          photograph by gary gross

i believe art is all around

a moment in time

photo by gary gross

I sit on a chair and look up to the sky
it's a moment in time as I breathe in the spring air.
I turn off the radio and sit with my thoughts.
I contemplate a time not so long ago, when roses were blooming
and the sun warmed my skin.
I close my eyes and wonder how life may have been
how we fill it with dreams, create meaning and reason to steady our thoughts.
But when something is lost be still in your mind,
shut your eyes for a moment and wait for the breeze,
a sweetness fills the air and you realise something is near,
it's a moment in time as a precious soul glides by.

spring

Spring is in the air, new growth is beginning to appear, transformation is somewhat insight.
From the dark depths of despair, a small bud appears, to symbolise an element of hope. The tiny bud it struggled to survive so it huddled below the chill of the cold winters' air. It imagined itself growing into a beautiful tree, with branches lapping the edge of the sky and deep roots penetrating the rich soil below. It lay very still waiting and waiting till the time was right. Then it lifted its head, felt the warmth in the air, it stretched out a branch and let out an enormous sigh, "Spring is here", it sang to the wind. Then the tree grew and grew not wanting to stop. Until one day when the time felt right, all the work was complete, the graceful tree stopped. It basked in the sun and remembered a time not too long ago when it lay there waiting for the warm wind to appear.

two souls collide

When two souls collide it takes courage to go, on
a free fall to the darkness that opens below.
But look beyond the surface for a bright world will emerge,
with curious creatures around every curve.
Have you ever had that feeling when everything seems right
you've found a place with people and you realise it's alright.
Almost down to the minute I can hear a clock chime.
In a universe that is endless but so terribly small.
I do love that tingle when it sneaks up real close
and embraces your soul, for a moment time stops, remember take a breath for things that matter are close,
and you realise the energy that comes with great loss.
Just stretch out your arms and you will feel a soul glide by,
on a warm wind that flows high up to the sky.

open letter to an art teacher

photography by gary gross

Thank you for opening my eyes to art and composition,
for showing me the subtlety of colour,
and inspiring me with artists who work at moving paint poetically across a canvas.
My appreciation has evolved and become slightly clearer, but I will always remember it's humble beginnings filled with curiosity and perhaps trepidation.
I continue to be inspired by my environment as it gently wraps itself around me.
From beautiful photographic images that expose a tender soul to subtle street art curiously pasted to a cold brick wall.
Creativity and all that it encompasses is a treasure to behold.
So thank you once again for sharing your appreciation, for it permeates my soul.

winter

I have quite enjoyed winter this year. My preference is usually toward warmer weather, but this year I have found reasons to enjoy winter. Firstly I think investing in a pair of ugg boots was in fact a wise decision. Blankets over the knee at night another smart choice. The purchase of a new cookbook has helped to inspire some lovely home cooked dinners and finally harvesting olives and persimmons from our small, but productive garden.

We have spent the past few months picking and curing olives, making persimmon chutney and the occasional 'percy pudding'. Our kitchen bench has been home to olives curing on rock salt and boxes of persimmons collected from our tree have spilled onto the floor.

There's something to be said about growing, harvesting and bottling one's own produce. It gathers people together for a shared experience, cause we always need a bit of help from family and friends. Thanks to everyone who helped in the production this year. Looking forward to next years' harvest. Perhaps we'll add a bit of wine making and sausage making to the mix next year!

ideas that resonate

I began this blog earlier this year to try and make some sense out of the devastation we faced as a family last year when Sunday was stillborn. I wanted to record the road we were about to travel, to a destination where there were no obvious directions.

I had no idea that what I would stumble on, would be my 'raison d'etre'.

I started to understand the real value of connecting with people in a true sense. I discovered inner strength on the flip side of the shame and vulnerability that hit me when Sunday died.

Writing and talking seemed to help make sense of an otherwise confusing and numbing experience. Sharing my story and hearing others peoples' stories has guided me through the healing process and given me insight into a broader perspective of life.

Here's some thoughts translated from Tao, that resonate......

            "To be whole, let yourself break.

             To be straight, let yourself bend.

             To be full, let yourself be empty.

             To be new, let yourself wear out.

             To have everything, give everything up.

             Knowing others is a kind of knowledge;

             knowing yourself is wisdom.

             Conquering others requires strength;

             conquering yourself is true power.

             To realize that you have enough is true wealth.

             Pushing ahead may succeed,

             but staying put brings endurance.

             Die without perishing, and find the eternal.

             To know that you do not know is strength.

             Not knowing that you do not know is a sickness.

             The cure begins with the recognition of the 

             sickness.

             Knowing what is permanent: enlightenment.

             Not knowing what is permanent: disaster.

             Knowing what is permanent opens the mind.

             Open mind, open heart.

             Open heart, magnanimity."

Ray

photo by jen hosking

When my Dad suddenly died it was like being struck by a bolt of lightning, overnight my world changed. Up until that time my life had been secure, predictable and safe. Suddenly I became intensely afraid. In order to recover myself I decided I needed to be kind to the world that had so cruelly taken my father. 

I had the intense need to do 'the right thing' in order to make up for losing my Dad. I was struck by the notion of karma. I felt my actions could change my world and make everything better. Did it change? I really don't know, perhaps it was my first insight into understanding compassion. 

Yet again this feeling has surfaced, not so much the element of karma but rather the need to be there for others. The more we can connect with each other and share our stories the more enriched our lives could be.

Taking a moment to stop and have a conversation and really listen to what someone has to say or to discuss what is on your mind or sharing an experience, is an important aspect of what it means to be human. Smiling at someone in the street, talking to neighbours and sharing thoughts with friends is what life is all about. 

Sometimes we just need to rethink the important stuff in life.